Comments on: Celibacy and friendship “after 30″

By: Thoughts on Does Jesus Really Love Me? » First Thoughts | A First Things Blog

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 15:14:20 +0000

[...] live a celibate life that is full of friendship, loving service, and joy and that, in some measure, I am finding such a life with the help of the communities and parishes to which I’ve belonged and currently belong. And I [...]

By: Thoughts on ‘Does Jesus Really Love Me?’ | Spiritual Friendship

Thoughts on ‘Does Jesus Really Love Me?’ | Spiritual Friendship — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 13:59:18 +0000

By: Philip

Philip — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 05:34:47 +0000

This reminds me of the friend I met on a tour of Israel last year who was an assigned roommate. The Holy Spirit convicted me to share my deepest shame with him at 10pm in Jerusalem on the last night of the tour. I said no and that I was going to bed. 3am I woke right back to the same prodding and woke him up at 5:15am. I shared my brokenness with him and he shared his as well. We have had countless calls, emails, texts in the past 9 mths and will God willing meet up again in May.. Once we even talked for 5 hrs! He knows more about me than anyone else and I definitely know more about him than anyone else. I have been waiting all these months to be rejected or have the friendship to drop but it has never happened. He has been so patient with my insecurities and weaknesses as I am 45 and never been in a deep friendship before. And he has taught me so much about being a real man and what true friendship looks like. The way he has loved me has given me a beautiful picture of how Christ loves me. And I will treasure this forever.

By: Charlotte Maxwell

Charlotte Maxwell — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 00:17:14 +0000

I am encouraged to read of this happening in community. I consider myself in a little bit of a different ‘sub-set’ of those responding, as I have been married in the past, single for ten years and celibate, yet have grown children and grandchildren. I am happy and emotionally full as my church provides a strong sense of community. I have wondered why there is such a high percentage of life-time single, divorced, and widowed people in our small church, but there is. I mentioned my best friend in a previous post, but I will also say here that her whole family has ‘adopted’ me as one of her own. I did not develop this relationship until my early forties, which considering your post, is also unusual. I will concur, that it is the ‘inclusion’ on both sides, they to my ‘events’ and visits and me to the rhythms of their household that has sustained us. During a time time of transition a few years back, they even opened their home to me and I lived with them for nine months until I got back on my feet. I have to also say, it is Not in the weekly Sabbath gatherings that we connect as much as the planned AND impromptu weekday get-togethers. I also agree that it is a reciprocal relationship.

By: “Celibacy and Friendship ‘After 30′”: Wesley Hill

“Celibacy and Friendship ‘After 30′”: Wesley Hill — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 19:29:44 +0000

[...] really liked this post. It gets discussed a bit in the comments here, and I’d love to see you all chime [...]

By: Matt Jenson

Matt Jenson — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 07:06:22 +0000

Amen to all of this, Wes. My experience has been similar–the need and gift of being included as an uncle in my close friends’ families. Two things I’ll add: (1) A sad remembrance of a friend whose insecurity led him to see me as a competitor for his child’s affections, cutting me off from much relationship with his son and, unsurprisingly, hamstringing out friendship as well. (2) The surprising way that inclusion in families–particularly the way my friends’ *wives* welcome me in–has encouraged and affirmed me in my masculinity and even my desirability. All this in thoroughly appropriate ways, I hasten to add; but being seen as a “good man” by my friends’ wives has been a great gift of friendship.

By: MR

MR — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 03:51:44 +0000

I am single, celibate, and over 50, but I live with a family. There are so many opportunities for giving and receiving support and encouragement. I highly recommend this for anyone in my situation!

By: Matthew Loftus

Matthew Loftus — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 18:37:41 +0000

You’ve hinted at this pretty well, but I think that physical proximity is almost a necessity in making this happen well. I won’t go Wendell Berry all over everybody in a brief comment, but certainly his thought and work has shaped my understanding of what communities can look like incorporating single people into the larger whole.

For our part, my wife and I have had single roommates for 2.5 of the 3 years we’ve been married. We have blessed each other in ways that we couldn’t have predicted, and when we had our baby 4 months ago we were fairly certain we would have to ask our roommate to leave so that the baby could have her own room. But God provided a house for us to move into in the same neighborhood as our church (which is in the inner city and *very* dedicated to people living in close proximity), so we get to continue this relationship.

While the roommate relationship may not always be the best for these sorts of situations, I think that living at least within walking distance, if not spitting distance, is a very important piece. And the church’s value on proximity and place makes up a big part of that.