On the Expectation of Change

A recent World Magazine article centers on the hiring of Julie Rodgers at Wheaton College. Julie is a self-described celibate gay Christian who works as an associated in the chaplain’s office at the college. I consider Julie a friend, and I am an alumni of Wheaton (’98) and I have served as an adjunct professor there for the past decade. I also blog occasionally at Spiritual Friendship which is mentioned in the article.

Julie RodgersI was surprised to see my research cited in the article about the hiring of Julie. The way the argument was set up was to express concern for Wheaton as the flagship evangelical college hiring a staff member who is known to be gay and who actually uses the word “gay” as an adjective to describe herself to others. Julie had spent about 10 years in Exodus International attempting to change her sexual orientation, and I have spoken with Julie on several occasions about this. She is gracious and positive about her own personal experience with the Exodus member ministries she participated in. However, speaking graciously about involvement in a ministry and declaring that it made her straight are two different things. She, like many other people who have attempted to change, did not experience a dramatic shift in her attractions as a result of ministry.

In my view, the article would serve the Body of Christ better if it were about this reality.

I am co-author of the study cited in the World magazine article about Julie and Wheaton. That study was published in book form in 2007 and then again as a peer-reviewed journal article in 2011, after six years of attempted change. If I were to summarize my view of the findings, I would put it this way: While on average people reported a modest shift along a continuum of attraction, most people did not experience as much of a shift as they would have liked, particularly as people entering ministry envision change as a 180-degree shift from gay to straight.

The author of the World Magazine piece frames the study as being about “showing that changing sexual orientation is possible.” A more accurate way to think about the study is this: “Is it ever possible that sexual orientation can change?” This is important because it leaves open the question of what causes the change. The original study was launched at a time when the broader cultural consensus seemed to be that sexual orientation is an immutable characteristic. That is, that sexual orientation is unchanging. Period. We asked whether it is ever possible to witness change in sexual orientation over time and whether such experiences were intrinsically harmful. We documented average changes along a continuum. Averages that suggested that for some those shifts were more significant; for others, not significant (or no change).

The study was an outcome study. That is, we were studying whether changes in orientation occurred; we were not studying the process of change. We do not even know if it was involvement in the Christian ministry that contributed to the changes that were documented. It is possible that the changes that were documented were the result of natural fluidity or some other variable that we did not account for. There was certainly (for some) changes in identity and behavior, as we discussed in the journal article about the study.

Why is this important? It is important because the evangelical Christian community has an opportunity to think carefully about pastoral care which is intimately connected to the message it sends to people who are navigating sexual identity concerns in their lives. We can affirm a God who can bring about the miraculous while also being gracious to those who do not experience the miraculous. We do this all the time when we pray for people for any number of concerns that are brought to us. But in this one area—homosexuality—there seems to be an added expectation that the person receive experience significant shifts in the direction of their sexual attraction or assume a posture of ongoing attempts to alter patterns of attraction even when such efforts have not produced the shift the person has sought.

I once wrote about a man in his forties who came to see me in therapy. He had been to a Christian ministry for the past three years to try to change his attractions. After the first year going through a popular 30-week curriculum, he shared with the ministry leader that he still experienced same-sex attraction. The leader encouraged him to go back through the curriculum for a second year. He did. At the end of that year, he approached the ministry leader with the concern that while he had grown in his relationship with Christ and sincerely appreciated the fellowship with others, he was still experiencing same-sex attractions as strong as ever; what should he do? He was advised to go back through the curriculum for a third time. It was only after the end of the third year that he came to see me to discuss other options. We discussed how he thought about his same-sex sexuality and various postures he could take in light of his personal moral convictions. We discussed an ongoing posture of attempting to change; we discussed living with an enduring condition; we discussed a “thorn in the flesh” that he has asked to be removed many more times that Paul could have imagined. These different conceptualizations were difficult for this particular man. He had been led to believe that it was a personal, spiritual failure to come to terms with his same-sex attractions as something that would not go away—as something he would not experience a shift around. Such a belief drove him to depression and shame.

Yet he is not alone. Many people do not experience a dramatic shift in their experiences of same-sex attraction despite years of ministry involvement. This man spoke to me about three years. Julie in her speaking references 10 years. The question for the church is: What kind of pastoral care will the church provide in cases in which there is an enduring experience of same-sex attraction? A related question for pastoral care is to reflect on what is the nature of sexual attraction? Is it just a desire for genital sexual intimacy or is it broader than that? How we reflect on these questions will inform our care for one another. Although space will not permit an adequate exploration of that question, we need to at least ask: Is it a moral failure of the person to come to terms with an enduring condition? Although the issues are not the same, it was not in the case with Paul; I don’t believe it was a failure in the case of the man I discussed. I also don’t believe it is a failure on the part of Julie. In fact, I believe these are more likely outcomes than the testimonies of dramatic change. I don’t want to discourage a person from attempting such change, but I also want to be careful not to convey to that person that their worth before God is wrapped up in their capacity to experience sexual attraction to the opposite sex. I know countless men and women who are no more Christlike by virtue of their attraction to the opposite sex.

Also, how ought a person describe him or herself? Same-sex attracted? Gay? Struggler? Sexual minority? Overcomer? There are about as many names as there are opinions on the matter. I find there is a point of diminishing returns for me as someone who is not navigating this terrain to act as though I have the final word on how another brother or sister in Christ ought to use language. This is an internal discussion among followers of Christ who are talking to one another about the benefits and drawbacks of various words or phrases. One observation: younger people—Christians and nonChristians alike—are using gay as simply an adjective to describe their sexual orientation.

The church may benefit from finding  a way to hold onto different ministry approaches. Some will place greater emphasis on a more complete and dramatic shift in patterns of attraction. Most people will not experience this. Others will turn to changes in identity and behavior and language will be important here, as certain words may be experienced as indicative of identity. Still others will pursue celibacy as a way to live faithfully before God; different language may match up with their ways of naming their experience. We have to find a way to extend one another grace. To suggest that all people who experience same-sex attraction have to achieve dramatic shifts as a testimony to the power of God will be unnecessarily divisive, a poor model of pastoral care, and a sure way of driving people out of the church altogether.

Mark YarhouseMark Yarhouse is Professor of Psychology and the Hughes Endowed Chair at Regent University in Virginia Beach, VA, where he directs the Institute for the Study of Sexual Identity. He can be found on Twitter@markyarhouse.

15 thoughts on “On the Expectation of Change

  1. This is remarkable. I spent the last 24 years on the path of ex-gay “change”, including the extreme act of monastic life. I continue to be as homo-sexual as ever in my sexual/emotional desires although I have been celibate, (if not exactly chaste) since 1992. It’s always been my opinion that the Church has been sadly lacking in its ministry to men such as I. I no longer attend any church, sadly.The frustration was too great. Your article here gives me hope, but I am not sure yet about the object of that hope. Thank you, Mark!

    • Tim,

      You ask what the object of your hope is. I recommend this: that the object of your hope be to always carry around in your body the dying of Jesus Christ, so that the life of Christ may also be manifest in your body.

      Your body is a gift of precious ointment poured out at the feet of the Most High God. Every chaste choice, every discipline, every tear, every moment of loneliness — these are the spices for the ointment, and the ointment is a means for the salvation of all men. In your body, you make up what is lacking in Christ’s sacrifice.

      You are not peripheral in God’s plan, brother. You are an important part of the body of Christ. Do not put your hope in earthly fulfillment, and you will — paradoxically — even begin to experience your hope of heaven realized here on Earth. The people who told you you needed to change your attractions fundamentally forgot the Cross. No one can pick up their cross without laying something else down, something they still long to hold. There are two heresies here: (1) That you can choose to stop desiring to hold it, and (2) That you can hold it and the cross at the same time.

      Peace,
      Daniel

      • Your words are kind and comforting, Daniel. However these last comments confuse me:”No one can pick up their cross without laying something else down, something they still long to hold. There are two heresies here: (1) That you can choose to stop desiring to hold it, and (2) That you can hold it and the cross at the same time.” Can you clarify or expand upon this? Thanks! Tim

      • Hi Tim!

        In that analogy, imagine the other thing you’re holding as a teddy bear — and suppose that the teddy bear represents a romantic/sexual relationship with a man you love. I think it’s false to say that you can choose to stop *desiring* to hold the teddy bear, but I also think it’s false to say that you can hold the teddy bear and the cross at the same time — essentially trying to balance total discipleship with the sexual relationship.

        Now I think *some* level of discipleship is compatible with holding the teddy bear, certainly, but that would not be “leaving everything behind” to follow Jesus. As usual, the challenge is more than we can accomplish on our own — but, by God’s grace, so much can happen.

  2. Thank you for this excellent post Mark. I totally agree and it has been so amazing seeing the progress that the church has made with people like Wesley Hill and Julie Rodgers sharing their lives and stories. They are models of Jesus-followers who yield their life to the guidance of Scripture. Julie spoke at our church recently and her story and message was so inspirational to us all as we got to hear from a young woman who was so passionate about yielding all her life to Jesus and the teachings of Scripture. She was used by God in major ways in our church and I am so thankful for the hope and healing her story and life brings to people. I truly hope that in the evangelical church we don’t take steps backwards and get into arguments about what seems to drift into semantics at times and miss the power of what God certainly seems to be doing. Of course God has caused shifts in orientation for some and we can absolutely praise God for that. But like you said: “To suggest that all people who experience same-sex attraction have to achieve dramatic shifts as a testimony to the power of God will be unnecessarily divisive, a poor model of pastoral care, and a sure way of driving people out of the church altogether.” Anyway, thank you for this post and I am so thankful for Julie Rodgers and others who are examples to us not only in regards to this issue, but an inspiration of modelling dedication and sacrifice as they follow Jesus with their whole lives.

  3. Let me clarify, Daniel, I don’t engage with others on a physical level; live the life of a hermit. But that doesn’t seem fitting if I am not actually actively engaged in a “relationship with The Lord”, at least as I previously understood that to be. So I think what I am looking for is a way to be authentic in Christ, at this stage of my life, and until the end. I feel sometimes that I haven’t even actually begun the journey, despite years, decades of taking profound steps and making every attempt to walk the path. It’s weird because I thought I was on the path until the ground gave way beneath my feet, so to speak! So now it seems like my faith and my program of “following Jesus” are just memories. A big part of that “fall from grace” is the fact that despite everything I’ve done, I am still the sinner in constitution, ( including my homo-sexuality) that I’ve always been. Maybe that’s part of the Truth also. Sorry for being so introspective and self-centered! I appreciate your conversing with me.

    • Everyone — gay or straight — is a sinner in constitution, Tim. If anyone has told you that they are not sinners in constitution, but you are, they were dead wrong. We ALL need conversion — not a conversion so that we’re never tempted, but a conversion that allows us to RESIST temptation.

      I don’t think you’ve fallen from grace. I think you’re learning to accept yourself. That’s a wonderful thing. You don’t need to stop being gay — as if that’s something you could do! If anyone was telling you that you needed to stop being attracted to men, they were not showing you the “path”, as you say — they were showing you a false way.

      There are churches where you can receive support as a gay man pursuing chastity. There are ways to wholeheartedly follow Christ without having to pretend anything.

      (I don’t think you’re being self-centered at all, by the way. Oftentimes, we need to work through our own “stuff” so that we can more effectively show concern for others!)

  4. Pingback: On Disagreeing About “Homosexuality”: A Thought Experiment | Spiritual Friendship

  5. Just a thought as I am becoming familiar with the articles on this site. I notice some reference to organizations like “Exodus International” and am interested in why some of us feel we should change our “natural” orientations. Just the fact that we are in these fleshly bodies now with mangled souls but offer them as sacrifice to Christ is remarkable in itself. I cannot change the fact that I am born into sin and being gay is no different. When we accept Jesus into our lives we offer all of ourselves because we. Are. Not. Perfect.

    It just sounds like another strive for perfection when those efforts and that focus are not necessary. Christ’s love and sharing the bounty of such with those around us should be the effort of our focus as followers. I would love to hear some opinion because I myself question this at times.

    In the hand of Christ

  6. Then again I must affirm that all of our conversations with God are all so different because we are all so different. So what is necessary for others may not be for myself. I have a hard time remembering that sometimes. 🙂

  7. Thank you Mark for sharing your thoughts! You bring clarity, understanding and wisdom on this complex matter. Thank you for your work and for shedding the light of love and hope through your research. Many of us can exhale knowing that you’re standing alongside us seeking answers to the same questions we are asking. Much appreciated!

  8. Thank you Mark for speaking out in support of Julie. We so need straight Christian leaders like yourself to chime in. I am also grateful to Dan Kimball for leaving a comment here and actively giving Julie and Wes a platform for their ministries.

  9. Pingback: Julie Rodgers former Wheaton Employee Blogs About SSM | Leadingchurch.com

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