How is Gay Celibacy Different from Straight Celibacy?

[This is the third in a series of three posts on celibacy. The first was What Does Genesis 2:18 Really Teach? and the second was The Gift of Celibacy.]

While on the topic of singleness and celibacy, I think it would be helpful to talk about some of the practical ways that things are different for a lot of people who are celibate because they’re exclusively gay.  I’ll start with my standard disclaimer that as someone who is attracted to both sexes, I am not entirely speaking out of experience.  However, this is something I’ve discussed quite a bit with others, and I think my experience brings something to bear as well.  I’m not trying to say that the situation of exclusively gay people is entirely unique, but there are some practical differences people don’t always think about.

Many straight Christians are celibate by choice.  They may discern a specific call to celibacy as a form of dedication to God.  Those who find celibacy forced upon them by circumstances, regardless of sexual orientation, will have unique difficulties.  Ron Belgau offered some initial reflections on these issues in Seeds of Celibacy, and I offered some related thoughts in The Gift of Celibacy.  Even in these cases, however, there are some important differences between involuntary celibacy for straight people and involuntary celibacy for gay and lesbian people.

First and foremost is the age at which people realize they’re likely facing lifelong celibacy.  For a lot of straight people who just don’t find a spouse, the first significant realization comes in the 20s or 30s.  Before then, they just assume they’re going to meet someone eventually.  When a person is facing celibacy due to being exclusively gay, that realization can happen around puberty.  One of the primary ways Christians promote abstinence is by telling teenagers that they will have more fulfilling married sex if they abstain before then.  This does not work for someone who is already developing an awareness that married sex may never happen, even though he or she is facing the same hormonal surge that any other teenager faces.

There’s also the psychological weight of knowing they will likely be dealing with unwanted singleness for the rest of their lives even if they fall in love.  It’s not just about the sex.  Straight people know that falling in love can lead to companionship and blessing even in dating relationships, and that it may eventually lead to marriage.  Not everyone has that blessing.  Falling in love with someone of the same sex can not only fail to bring blessing, but can actually be a trial when a person must resist it.  As Matthew Vines powerfully put it, “…within the traditional interpretation of Scripture, falling in love is one of the worst things that could happen to a gay person.”  (from The Gay Debate: The Bible and Homosexuality)

We also need to be mindful that celibacy does not occur in a vacuum.  When it comes to the surrounding context, there’s a lot of commonality with my experience.  When you grow up in a conservative Christian home and find yourself attracted to your own sex, you get used to being talked about as the obvious example of someone who can’t really be a Christian and is political enemy number one.  Though no one is mentioning you specifically because they don’t know about your sexuality, you know what they’re talking about.  I’m even speaking as a virgin who has never gotten into porn.  You get used to hearing about how LGBT people are these disgusting perverts who hate God and want to rape children.  When the topic comes up in Christian circles, you’re used to hearing about Romans 1 and how LGBT people are those God has given over to extreme depravity.  (Matt Jones mentions some of the same themes in Going Public, Part 1.)  None of this makes any sense if you’re trying to follow God and maintain sexual purity, but it’s the only way so many Christians talk about anything having to do with what you’re dealing with.  You can maintain some distance by realizing that you’re not really who your friends and family are complaining about, but it still hurts, and they might not have the same realization even if they knew about you.  A message you definitely get is that you can’t open up about what you’re feeling or you might be ostracized, and this can lead to a lot of shame and loneliness.  Feeling like you have to hide something like that is a big weight.  (I touched on this a bit more in On Coming Out.)

So it’s not just the weight of celibacy, but the weight of celibacy on top of already feeling stigmatized, alone, and ashamed.  And the way some Christians talk about it, people in this situation who find it difficult must really be disgusting perverts that hate God.  It’s no wonder some people feel like they’re being “condemned to singleness” because they’re “not worthy of romantic love.”  They’re used to being talked about as though they were subhuman, so they see any moral argument (particularly one asking them to do something difficult) from this perspective.

Eve Tushnet, who has also posted on Spiritual Friendship, has a really helpful reflection on some of what I’ve brought up at Celibacy as a Mandate. Not the Fun Kind.

Jeremy EricksonJeremy Erickson is a Ph.D. student in Computer Science at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. He previously studied Mathematics and Computer Science at Taylor University in Upland, IN.

27 thoughts on “How is Gay Celibacy Different from Straight Celibacy?

  1. Some SSA indidividuals are called to a life of celibacy. God is calling me there right now in my life. However, the suggestion that all same sex attracted ought to be living celebate lives dismisses their relationships as nothing more sinful unions. I have several gay couples in my life and their relationships seem to bear great fruit. They bring vibrancy to each others lives, my life, and to their churches. God is in this somewhere. I fear that when we celibate SSA individuals wield the moral sword against all same sex relations, we are projecting God’s calling us to us to all SSA individuals.

      • Yes. Sex that is immoral, prostitution, lust, men having sex wih another men, exchanging Natural relations with unnatural ones are all sin. These all deal with *sexual aspects of a relationship.
        However the question is: Is living in a relationship of celibacy with the same sex sin?

  2. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Jeremy! Since I’ve spent my short Christian walk in liberal New England, I can’t even imagine being in a church that talks about homosexuality that way, so it’s a helpful reminder to me that there is *still* a lot of stigmatization going on in the church that makes it extraordinarily difficult for LGTB teens. I loved Eve Tushnet’s point that “maybe what we should work on changing is the stigma, rather than the celibacy.”

    I also understand that gay celibacy is harder than straight celibacy because teenage Christians are told abstinence will lead to better sex in marriage; i.e. they’re told “just wait and it’ll get better.” But, of course, most Christians eventually find out that this is false – that abstinence is no guarantee of great sex in marriage – and end up being angry and frustrated. And for those who don’t, they have to go through repeated heartbreak after heartbreak, waiting and waiting and waiting for “The One” that never comes. Or agonize over whether they should settle for someone who seems like they’re not a good fit, but hey, they’re getting older and her fertility won’t last much longer, so maybe it’s not such a bad idea.

    In other words, churches give straight people the candy rather than the medicine. Many evangelical churches set expectations high (because it’s more hip or easily persuasive) rather than challenging a sex-focused culture and seeming “out of touch.” Those who end up marriage are dissatisfied because they’ve been sold unrealistic expectations. Those who don’t marry out of circumstance may end up feeling equally like there’s something *wrong* with them, and never have the sense of vocation that would offer them a fulfilling narrative about their role in God’s kingdom.

    What I’ve seen from gay and bisexual Christians who wrestle faithfully with this question is that they come out as much, much stronger in their faith. Basically, from the get-go, they realize that the call to follow Christ is a call to come and die. (It’s the same way with people who reluctantly convert to Christianity; they just understand the commitment required more clearly.) I have learned countless things from my LGTB Christian friends, and it’s been clear to me that God put them in my life to really force me to count the cost of following the way of Christ. They’ve been an incredible blessing to me, and helped me to develop a spiritual maturity that I know I wouldn’t possess were it not for their influence. The body of Christ would be weaker were it not for their presence. But they’ve matured more quickly in part because of the challenges they’ve faced, as a muscle grows most when challenged by heavier weights.

    Now that’s a difficult experience – to realize that really what Christ is asking you to do is to give up everything you hold dear – and it can only feel worse if it’s combined with a significant amount of stigma. (Again, I think it goes without saying that the stigma is a huge problem.) But I think I would rather know that from the beginning, to brace myself against the slings and arrows that I shall face on God’s path rather than pretending the way shall get brighter when it won’t. I would rather know that I’m called to celibacy to prepare adequately than to keep wondering what the heck is going on. But maybe that’s because I’m a planning sort of person. And I wonder, in this way, if homosexuality can be a gift – a calling made clear, an opportunity to mature in the faith – when separated from the stigma churches have ascribed to it.

      • I don’t actually think God is calling all same sex attracted individuals to celibacy. It’s well established that sexuality comes in a spectrum, and I could see someone who experiences same sex attraction in addition to some opposite sex attraction (like Jeremy) choosing to marry someone of the opposite gender.

  3. Pingback: Sin and Sexual Minorities Part 3: Sins of Word and Deed | Spiritual Friendship

  4. Pingback: Sin and Sexual Minorities Part 4: Sins of Omission | Spiritual Friendship

  5. God does not call people to be homosexual. We are all conceived with original sin and its mark manifests itself in many ways, including sins of the flesh. I don’t like this “given” that some people are naturally attracted to people of their own sex. The attraction is not preordained nor is it natural. I also don’t like the term “gay”, which used to mean being happy, as a classification of those who engage in homosexual acts or want to. I will never understand why it is that certain people take pride in sharing their sinful desires and behaviors with everyone. I especially don’t understand it when some of them publicly pat themselves on the back for not indulging in them. Whatever happened to humility? Why is each person’s struggle with sin fodder for Facebook? Doesn’t anybody sit in the back pew anymore, hunched over in deep, sorrowful prayer, like the remorseful tax collector in Christ’s parable?

    People aren’t “gay”. They are sinful. They need to stop thinking about it, talking about it, doing it and expecting the rest of us to exhibit a unique empathy for their struggle. There are millions of people in this world suffering from devastating illnesses, abject poverty, abusive enslavement, senseless cruelty and their own personal demons. I suggest that the subjects of this post focus on that, rather than themselves.

    • First of all, we have addressed this question before. I would suggest that you check out “Welcoming and Shaming” and “Going Public,” Part 1 and Part 2.

      One of the things that I find interesting about your first paragraph is that you focus on your own emotional reaction to people struggling with same-sex attraction, not on how you could respond positively to those who struggle. I wonder why, in a comment aimed at telling us to stop focusing on ourselves, and focusing instead on others’ problems, you spend so much time dwelling on your own emotional reactions (emotional reactions which have nothing to do with Christian love or concern, I might add), rather than on ways that you could help us.

      For my own part, I am not solely concerned with my own struggles with same sex attraction. I have volunteered in homeless shelters and contributed to help women with difficult pregnancies find help and shelter. I’ve also volunteered with visiting people who are dealing with various illnesses. And several times, I’ve listened to women struggling to recover after the horror of rape. One of the most important things I’ve learned, in dealing with people who are going through hard times, is the importance of listening to their stories, allowing them to talk about their situation. Sometimes the bad things in their life are just misfortune that has happened to them. Sometimes the struggles stem from their own internal demons. But I don’t think it would be particularly pastorally helpful for me to tell them to “sit in the back pew, hunched over in deep, sorrowful prayer, like the remorseful tax collector in Christ’s parable” as soon as they mentioned any of their own personal demons.

      If, whenever someone started to tell me about their inner demons, I told them how much I don’t like hearing about it, my guess is that my efforts to reach out to people suffering from devastating illnesses, abject poverty, abusive enslavement, senseless cruelty and their own personal demons would be much less successful than they have been.

      • I admire your charitable work. More power to you. But it wasn’t very charitable of you to assume that my comments stem from an “emotional reaction” and that I lack “Christian love and concern” for making them. Nor would I advise a woman who has been raped or a person who has lost his home through no fault of his own to ask God for forgiveness. They didn’t do anything wrong. To equate homosexual thoughts, desires and actions with that is ridiculous. They are sinful. A victim of rape is not.

        You tread in dangerous waters. You must not argue either directly or indirectly that homosexuals are victims. They are not. Furthermore, too many in our Western culture view them as normal, healthy people who have the right to marry, adopt children and openly work in the public square. They are sexually disordered and therefore are much more likely to be promiscuous and to prey on the innocent. Most of the victims in the notorious Church scandals were pre-pubescent boys. Celibacy practiced by people with homosexual desires is the absence of evil. Heterosexual celibacy, especially when given in a vocation, is a gift to God. The two are not the same at all. When the powers that be in the Church decided to lax the rules for those entering the seminary because the argument was that they too could be celibate for love of God, they made a terrible mistake. Look what happened and continues to happen. Yesterday the pope asserted that the Church dwells too much on issues like homosexuality and abortion. With all due respect, he couldn’t be more wrong. It is the hierarchy’s lack of discipline, instruction and concern for these and other relevant matters that has led to the rampant loss of faith and attendance at church, disregard for the sanctity of life, and the breakup of the family we see on a massive scale now in the Western world. It is no accident that Obamacare will force Catholic institutions to pay for contraception and abortion. The bishops in this country laid the foundation for it with their silence when Obama ran for office. They knew what he was all about. Instead of rallying voting Catholics against his evil plans, the Archbishop of New York, who is also the head of the USCCB, invited him over for dinner and laughed with him on camera weeks before the election. Obama won the Catholic vote. Surprise, surprise.

        I think all this touchy feely nonsense that passes for Christianity these days is doing much more harm than good. Pope Francis is articulating what Pope John Paul II privately believed himself. He too was always “reaching out” to people. He put in more mileage traveling around the world to visit adoring crowds than all the previous popes combined. But he did little or nothing to stop the sex abuse scandals or punish those who committed those horrific crimes. He did, however, promote and protect those who played a large role in them like Cardinal Law, Bishop Murphy and Father Maciel. Now he apparently is up for a promotion himself, to sainthood. What kind of message does that send?

        All this starts with the seemingly harmless arguments you are making. Evil should never be marginalized for the sake of sparing people’s feelings. Hell is a terrible place to be. I don’t want anyone to go there. That’s my particular brand of charity.

      • M.G., did you not comprehend Ron’s point about “internal demons?” He was saying that some of the people he has worked with have been dealing with their own sin, even though others are merely victims.

        And correct me if I’m wrong, but here’s what it sounds like you’re saying about your personal brand of “charity:”

        When I was living in the pits of shame and fear as a teenager, wondering whether anyone would accept me as a Christian given my sexual feelings that I wasn’t even acting upon, I wasn’t in any sense a victim. I’m just such an inferior subhuman being that it doesn’t matter what people do or say; I brought everything upon myself. When a gay kid gets physically beaten by his peers at school, he’s not a victim, because he’s such an inferior being that he can’t be sinned against.

        You’re saying that even though I’m a virgin now, I’m probably going to be promiscuous, because subhuman beings such as myself can’t be monogamous. You’re saying that I shouldn’t be around children, because I’m just so broken that it must manifest itself in a desire to abuse kids. You’re saying that now that I’ve been open about what I’m going through, I should never be employed.

        How charitable.

        If I’ve correctly understood you, the fact is that you’re committing many of the sins I’ve been talking about in my most recent series. To say that gay people are inherently a danger to children is nothing less than slander. To deny the ways that LGBT people are often victimized is appalling. Sexual sin is not the only form of sin.

      • How did your peers in school know that you harbored homosexual feelings? Did you tell them? If not, how could they know unless you had acted upon those feelings in some way? I wouldn’t know if someone was fighting a drug addiction or a penchant for stealing or a desire for someone else’s spouse UNLESS HE OR SHE TOLD ME. That is my point. You are making it public so you are making yourself vulnerable. Why would you do that?

        And what exactly is the LGBT community? Lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders who identify themselves according to their sexual proclivities. That is their choice. In so doing, they make themselves open to distrust and ridicule. Most people do not like it when men dressed as women and vice versa use the public restrooms of the opposite sex. That is obnoxious and it gives scandal to children. It doesn’t engender understanding or good will. The same goes for homosexuals who want heterosexuals to “accept” them either through legal coercion or by playing the minority card.

        If you haven’t done anything wrong, then you have nothing to worry about, right? You haven’t given scandal, you are apparently living a happy life and you honor God’s law. You just talk too much. 🙂

      • What Avery said.

        In addition, my peers at school didn’t have to know about my feelings, actually. I talked about this in the post we’re commenting on, so I’m not sure if you actually read it. Simply hearing all the complaints about LGBT people – ones much like the ones you’ve made here – was enough to cause a lot of emotional turmoil. I’m human, and hearing people like myself described as these disgusting rebellious perverts has an effect on me. I’ve developed some emotional distance now, but I don’t doubt that the same rhetoric contributes to problems for others. Furthermore, some people are suspected of being gay without having to tell anyone, whether people can tell by following eyes or mannerisms or whatever else. Hiding requires more conscious effort than you might think. I also know people who have faced some pretty brutal mistreatment despite not telling anyone about their orientation.

        So why am I choosing to speak publicly? Well, Ron already pointed you to some posts where we’ve explained why, but I may as well chime in about my own similar reasons. Growing up in a Christian home and being attracted to the same sex can really suck. It’s easy to be controlled by shame and fear. When I was going through that, it would have been really helpful to have someone else I could have talked to who knew what I was going through. I also had very little way of telling how other Christians in my life would have reacted, so it would have helped to see how they responded to someone else. Basically, I really wanted someone to speak up in the way that I’m now doing. So it’s all about being able to minister to others. I want to show others that they don’t have to live cowering in shame, whether they choose to open up to the degree I have or not.

        Since I started opening up more, I’ve seen God use what I’ve been doing. In several cases, this has come in the form of other LGBT/SSA Christians who had someone to talk to. But it hasn’t been limited to that. I’ve also had some good discussions with other Christians who have close friends or family members that are gay, for example. I’ve also been told by numerous straight friends that they’ve been convicted of their own sinful attitudes towards LGBT people as a result of my sharing. All these people have been pretty grateful. I’ve also seen improvements firsthand in attitudes and culture. So given how many blessings I have seen come from my openness, I think God is working through it, and I have no regrets.

    • Hi M.G.,
      I’m a repentant Christian who’s had issues with same-sex attraction & gender dysphoria who, like the folks at spiritualfriendship.org, lives by the traditional theology.
      “God does not call people to be homosexual. We are all conceived with original sin & its mark manifests itself in many ways including sins of the flesh. I don’t like this ‘given’ that some people are naturally attracted to people of their own sex. The attraction is not preordained nor is it natural.”
      Since we’re all conceived with original sin, all of us are bent towards all sorts of sins & some people are more tempted by certain sins, ergo sinful NATURE. We’re all natural sinners, that doesn’t excuse our sins, including the temptation of same-sex attraction for a minority of people, for the majority of straight guys who feel like watching porn, for people who are tempted to lie and cheat for their own gains when it’s opportunistic to do so, etc. In sanctification, God gives us a new nature that Holy Spirit matures into all of its Christ-like goodness. God didn’t preordain the attraction, but the original sin sure does. The term “natural” doesn’t necessarily imply moral goodness or neutrality. I think that Paul used the word “natural” in terms of the biological functions of the body parts that are misused in homosexual intercourse.

      I don’t sense any sort of pride whatsoever in the way the bloggers of this website speak about their struggles. This is also not about us trying to focus on ourselves & our sins just for the heck of it. With all due respect, I’m afraid that is more like you projecting your own assumptions about sexual minorities on the spiritualfriendship bloggers’ views (perhaps you didn’t mean to, but that’s what it looks like to me). Whatever kind of “gay pride” that “practicing homosexuals” often speak of, we don’t do that kind of thing.

      Celibate same-sex attracted people obey God’s commandment to hold sacred his design of sexuality. Refraining from all sorts of sins in repentance & in obedience to God is a cross to bear, including for those of us with SSA. What does the Scripture say? “Carry each other’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal 6:2). Will you keep repentant, celibate, same-sex attracted people who honor the Lord & those who care about them from fulfilling the law of Christ by telling them to stop discussing their struggles? Nobody accuse recovering alcoholics of focusing too much on themselves when they discuss their struggles in their AA meetings, no? If the conservative churches lovingly counsel and care for the repentant same-sex attracted Christians, websites like spiritualfriendship.org wouldn’t need to exist. What we’re asking for is more like an equal, rather than unique empathy, that the church more readily gives to other non-homosexual sinners in caring for them in their life of sanctification.

      There are so many issues in the world that need to be addressed and it’s not a zero sum game. It is presumptuous for you to assume that just because we speak of our struggles, then it means that we don’t care about other issues. People shouldn’t also put effort to social justice causes at the expense of sexual morality issues. This website is designed for celibate same-sex attracted people, so the discussions are narrowed down to certain topics. If you don’t like to hear about us sharing our struggles, bearing each other’s burdens, and obeying God out of His sacrificial love for us, you don’t have to visit this website, although you’re always welcome here.

      • I like you, Avery. You write well and make your points with good cheer and intelligence. It was not my intent to upset anyone, I was just making what I think is a salient point. Thank you for your comments.

        By the way, I’m a girl. But I would never accuse you of being sexist. 🙂

    • “You talk too much,” that’s what you said to Jeremy. So what? Jeremy should talk less and be quiet altogether? With all due respect, that is not for you to decide, just as none of us here tell you type less in your comment posts. The question is not, “Why would you make yourself vulnerable?” but, “How do I love those who’s made themselves vulnerable to me like Christ would?” Otherwise you’re blaming the person who’s being vulnerable. If your friend comes up to you, share a deep secret, and asking for your advice & support, will you tell them, “Shut up! You talk too much, why would you make yourself vulnerable to me?”

      The Christian life is supposed to be lived in the context of a community, not in isolation. By that virtue, vulnerability & transparency are required, that’s what real, genuine human relationship should be like. Please consider Galatians 6:2, James 5:16, and Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. In these verses, there are no exceptions to deny repentant same-sex attracted Christians the opportunity to share their struggles, to be encouraged in their spiritual lives, just like other non-gay sinners. If people tell you they’re gay, I believe it’s better to humbly point them to a life of repentance in Christ rather than leaving them to be quiet about it, because it is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance, so the Bible says and I’m sure you believe the Bible.

      Regarding the victim status of LGBT people, there are many instances where they are clearly the victims. One may express disagreement with the homosexual lifestyle, but it’s not right for some to do that by calling people names, disowning them into homelessness, or bullying them into suicide. Granted, there are homosexuals who are also pedophile, just as there are some straight people who are like that too, but for one to generalize that the majority/all gays are pedophiles are guilty of bearing false witness.

      To be fair, I will admit to you that the LGBT advocacy groups in and outside of the church (Catholic & Protestant) are indeed powerful. After all, DOMA has been shot down and more states legalize gay marriage. But their existence doesn’t negate the fact that there are also LGBT people who are marginalized and severely abused who need to see Jesus’ love. It’s not a zero-sum thing.

    • Another thing also, I’m NOT suggesting all same-sex attracted Christians MUST go public with their struggles. I certainly don’t condemn those who keep it to themselves, but I just don’t think it’s healthy to keep all that stress inside. It’s up to them to share it with whoever they want and keep it from others who they don’t think they could trust. I too don’t broadcast my struggle to every person that I know in real life. You are free to tune out to things you don’t like, M. G. We have the same right to use the Internet as you do, pal. I also don’t force those who don’t want to hear my story to sit there and listen. That doesn’t meant I allow that person to keep me from talking to those who I trust or silence me ; )

    • Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t recall referring to you as a male and I don’t see the relevance of the sexism comment. Oh…wait…and I’m also a girl, pal. 😉
      Toodaloo!

      • I agree. And I never suggested you weren’t a girl. But you definitely thought I wasn’t, didn’t you. Be honest. I get that all the time. Must have something to do with the syntax. Or maybe because the forcefulness of my arguments is associated with being macho. That is sexist, by the way. But that’s okay. We get to have babies, the greatest joy and most important job in the world. Women have always had it better than men. Too many just don’t know it.

    • Regarding Jeremy’s most recent comment, I hope it further clarifies the true objective of spiritualfriendship.org., M.G. We’re not here to advocate for the acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle (in fact people like us are often ridiculed by openly gay people as we’re not being “true to ourselves”), be prideful about our resistance to our same-sex attraction, relaxing the admission rules of Catholic seminaries, or protecting pedophiles. Sure, you didn’t explicitly accuse us of such, but your reply to Ron’s comment suggests a big leap in logic that I find bizarre, no offense. You said, “There are millions of people in this world suffering from devastating illnesses, abject poverty, abusive enslavement, senseless cruelty and their own personal demons.” Well, same-sex attraction is the personal demon of people like Jeremy, Ron, and I, M.G. We post articles to spiritually strengthen each other & assist the church to better minister to people like us without being “gay-affirming.” We’re brothers & sisters in Christ, let’s build each other up.

      Blessings to you
      Avery

    • The acronym M.G. doesn’t imply the person is more likely to be a male or a female. M can stand for many names Mark, Matthew, Maggie, Mary, Melissa, Michael, etc. I examine the strength of arguments based on their merits, not the gender of the person who does the arguing. So, I refuse to admit things I’m not guilty of. If this is because I call you “pal,” well guess what, I call everyone in my real life “pal,” male or female, and nobody tells me I’m being sexist for doing so, pal. I also don’t know what prompted you to bring this up when I was talking about the situation of same-sex attracted Christians. What does that bring to the conversation other than, sorry, an irrelevant digression? Females can be forceful with their arguments, I know that very well as I have plenty of female relatives just like that.

      I’m happy that you’re fully content in your femininity, and I never suggest that you shouldn’t be. God’s grace defeated the power that my gender dysphoria had over me and I’ve come to appreciate my femininity as well. The world needs more godly females, but as guys and gals are equal in God’s eyes (Gal 3:28), I wouldn’t be so quick to jump into the conclusion that one gender has it better than the other, although you’re entitled to your own opinion. In fact, through my struggle, I realize that God doesn’t believe males have it better than females as each reflects certain features of His attributes. Whatever gender we’re created to be, we should embrace it in His terms.

  6. Pingback: My Relationship to Sexual Minority People I Disagree With, in a Picture | Spiritual Friendship

  7. Pingback: My Experience of Bisexuality | Spiritual Friendship

  8. I like all the inspiring comments I’m also in the same problem I even left going church becouse I don’t know what to do thanks guyz

    • Hi,

      Don’t feel bad about leaving church. You won’t find the answers there. The truth is, LGBT are the outcasts of Israel, part of the ones Jesus came to gather. Sexuality is inborn. Not everyone is meant to be married, some people are eunuchs who are meant to remain single but married to God. Mathew 19:10-12 KJV. Like Jesus never married either. There are a few contradictions in the scriptures, but this one is very revealing. Colossians 2:9 “For in him (Christ) dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. Genesis 1:26-27 tells us the full form of the Godhead body is both male and female. Paul says a lot of strange things that make me doubt his validity as a true apostle, but this is one thing I’ve always suspected. Jesus’ outward appearance was male, but inwardly he had a feminine nature. He was made in the perfect Image of God, similar to the first Adam (before Eve was created from him) and he made intercession for all of mankind, male and female, the married and the single. Being gay is nothing to repent for, but we are called to be faithful to God our spouse. Isaiah chapter 54 and chapter 56 gives us hope and comfort that we belong to God. 1st Peter chapter 2 confirms that we are an odd and peculiar people called to abstain and be Godly examples among the Gentiles.. Like New Covenant Priests, but not serving God for profit like modern day Priests and Ministers who preach for money. We are the royal priesthood God has ordained, not man. We are despised and rejected of mankind, but precious to God, chosen out of the furnace of affliction. I’ve found my calling as a Jew, and honor the Jewish Sabbath (from sunset Friday to sunset Saturday), and avoid unclean meats like pork, catfish, and shellfish. Unlike most Jewish people though, I accept Jesus as my redeemer and intercessor between God and mankind. Peter was Jewish, and Jesus entrusted him with the keys of the kingdom. There’s still much to learn, so pray to God for guidance. Isaiah chapter 49 is good to read also. We are the part of Israel God hid, and the example we set for others is extremely important. I found more evidence of what the church leaders are hiding (or maybe they just don’t know). If you’re interested I can send you more information. Be strong and take comfort knowing you’re not alone 🙂

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